Everyday is a constant struggle for me. I feel as if who I am is and never was (and never will be) enough, for anyone. I live day by day, seeing more and more people that I care about making stupid decisions, but all I can do is sit back and watch. The world’s fucked. I stand by who I am as a person, but it gets harder everyday. Everyone in this world (or at least the continental USA) is a hypocrite in every sense of the word. They cling to every trendy thing imaginable. Everything from electronics, to clothing, to life choices, to the cars that they drive. I try to keep my body, mind, & soul as pure as possible, but the media and other sources keep brainwashing everyone around me. I’m proudly straight-edge, I will hopefully live that way the rest of my life, because it’s who I am. To be honest, if I ever broke edge, I don’t think that I would be able to live with myself. Tonight, I got a call from my youngest brother and he told me that he had just snorted cocaine. I knew my brother Matt had done a lot of drugs in the past, which had worried me, but I thought he was smart enough not to do cocaine. My other brother Josh, who has always bashed (even moreso than I have) people who do drugs) was contemplating drinking tonight, due solely to the friends he was hanging out with (I was there too). Our dad was never really a censor for us, he told us when we were in elementary school to try drugs, alcohol, sex, and every other form of debauchery & sin that you could think of when we would be in High School and/or College. Our mother, who passed away in 2002, when I was in 8th grade, was never really a censor for us either, buying us condoms for Easter in 7th grade, lol. I know my mother would be scared to no end at the amount of drugs that Matt’s done (and will continue to do) and Josh’s history of depression is not a smart thing for him to start mixing with alcohol. Add all of that on top of my past experiences with Brindan (my best friend) overdosing and dying from crystal meth and countless friends of mine having their stomachs pumped from binge drinking. I don’t see any positives to these things. I guess that’s what makes me, me and them, them. Boredom should never be “solved” by drugs & alcohol. When you get to that point, that’s when you pack your bags and move to somewhere else where you would be less bored. I seriously tear up sometimes thinking of all of the negatives that these things have done to the human race. Also on top of drugs and alcohol, my brother Josh & Homeless Rob were talking about their strip club experiences, when we were at Denny’s tonight. They were objectifying women in every terrible way imaginable. Like I mentioned above the world’s gone down the shitter and it’s taking everyone with it, and it’s scary to think what the world will be like in fifty years. To quote Copeland, “Don’t be angry if all she wants is your money, Don’e be angry because all you want is her body.” I mean love in the purest sense of the world rarely exists anymore, lust clouds peoples’ visions and so does money. People use their physical attributes to get ahead in this world and nothing more. I guess I was meant to be born 30 years ago (or in present day California), but I can’t change where I was born. All I know is I need at least a few friends that share some morals and common sense with me, I also eventually need a change of scenery, because the Midwest will kill me soon, if I don’t find a way out.