Everyone I know has been all giddy and excited for Christmas recently, let’s just say that I’m less than enthused. Christmas to me is just another holiday for people to get greedy and self absorbed. Maybe I hate Christmas because I have nothing to look forward to. My mom’s birthday was on Christmas, so since she died 9 years ago, Christmas is spent with me sunk into myself feeling depressed. 5 years ago, my best friend killed himself during winter. Two days ago we got our first massive snow fall of the year & what do you know, my mom passed away in snow. Maybe I hate the holidays, because I have no one that cares about me. No one that will kiss me under the mistletoe and hold me close and make me feel happy if only for a moment. Also, since when did Christmas become a secular holiday? Christmas is more about Santa and presents than Jesus and doing good deeds. I haven’t had a present that I’ve actually wanted for Christmas since like 2000, so if you want to get down to the greedy, self-absorbed part there you go. It’s also another holiday for the belligerent drunks to be out in full force spreading their good cheer (as well as their STDs and vomit). To top all of this off, things are on the rocks with the current woman that I care for (not to mention she’s 895 miles away for the next three weeks :’(), if I mess up on these four finals this week I am kicked out of the university, and I am low on money at the present time as well. For once, I just want things to go my way. I don’t want to be the Grinch. I want to be able to enjoy the holidays just like everyone else. I’m a good person, so how come I’m always left feeling deep sadness and feeling so bleak? I try. I really do. Yet, I know people that seem to just go through life without a care in the world and are handed everything. I know that this world isn’t meant for me, but I have no say in which world I live in. I’m forced to live in this sack full of shit known as America where being a whore, thief, liar, and drunk gives you power instead of being looked down upon. I just want to be set free. I want to pass my finals. I want Melissa to come back to Illinois and be in my arms. I want to work on getting money. I want to try and become more optimistic, but it’s hard when you’re constantly being torn down and when nothing goes your way. :-/